Be Aware of the Situations That Set Off Your Reactions
The first thing that needs to be done to solve any problem is to identify its source. If you are fighting a serious fight of self-hatred, it may be beneficial to sit with that emotion and try to figure out where it came from. This can be done by trying to identify the source of the feeling. You don’t exist in a vacuum, so think about what might have caused these feelings in the first place.
You’ve probably heard this a million times, but keeping a journal can be quite helpful in this situation. You might find it helpful to take a moment at the end of the day to sit down and mentally go through your day. Make an effort to take some notes on the following topics:
- What you carried out
- How you felt while participating in various activities
- With whom you spent the majority of the day.
If you don’t find that writing helps you process information the best, you can use your phone to record short videos or voice memos for yourself. You could also take a few minutes to sit quietly and think about the events that have transpired throughout the day.
Unpacking your day can be done in several different ways, but whatever method you choose, you should make an effort to keep an eye out for any commonalities or patterns that could assist you in determining what causes your negative thoughts.
After you’ve narrowed down some of your triggers, you can start thinking of ways to steer clear of or reduce your exposure to the rest of them. You might not be able to escape all triggers, so it is beneficial to understand the tools you can use to get through them even if you do encounter them.
Put Your Unproductive Thoughts to the Test
When you aren’t in the right headspace to journal or reflect, self-hatred can sometimes rear its ugly head. When something like this occurs, you should try having a conversation with yourself in your head.
If you find yourself thinking things like, “I hate myself,” it can be useful to immediately follow that thought with the question, “Why?” If you find that the answer is something like “I really mucked up that meeting” or “I look ugly in this dress,” then you should try questioning that thought as well. Remind yourself that what you just said is not accurate. The next step is to consider the fallacies inherent in this negative thought.
Taking responsibility for one’s thoughts can feel very intimidating. If this is the case, one strategy for combating your thoughts is to imagine taking on a different identity. Perhaps they are a composite of all of your favorite heroes from your childhood, or perhaps they are close friends. Envision them coming in and challenging those bad thoughts or putting a stop to those negative thoughts.
Do not allow yourself to become disheartened if the optimistic interpretation of events does not prevail. The act of merely questioning these negative thoughts contributes to the reinforcement of the concept that self-hatred is not a fact or an incontestable truth; rather, it is an emotion.
Engage in Encouraging Conversations With Yourself
When you are lacking compassion for yourself, you are more likely to experience feelings of self-hatred. If you are experiencing a period in which you are feeling positive, you should make an effort to write down the qualities of your personality that you appreciate the most.
Don’t get stressed out if you can’t think of anything to say or do. Love is a powerful emotion that can be challenging to feel toward oneself when they are going through a difficult time. If it helps, try to think of things about yourself that you simply like or don’t hate. This will make the exercise easier. Keep this list in a place where you will see it daily. Stop, take a deep breath, and then aloud say one of the items on your list whenever you find yourself having thoughts of self-hatred.
Find out more about the advantages of positive self-talk and the steps you can take to incorporate it into your day-to-day activities.
Reframe the Unproductive Thoughts You’ve Been Having
A technique used in therapy called reframing can be utilized to confront negative thoughts as well as feelings of hatred toward oneself. Changing your mindset to adopt a slightly different point of view is typically all that is required to accomplish this.
It could mean trying to find the positives in a challenging circumstance or looking at a frustrating issue from a different angle. No matter how you choose to implement it, reframing requires training your brain to seek out and concentrate on the positive aspects of a situation. For instance, if you wanted to reframe the statement “I’m so terrible at work presentations,” you could say something like, “I don’t feel like I did ok in my presentation today.” This would be a more accurate representation of your feelings.
Indeed, it’s just a minor adjustment. On the other hand, you are taking a statement that can either be true or false and recasting it as a singular instance. This helps the negative feelings to feel less all-encompassing and less permanent. After all, botching a single presentation at work is just one instance, and it indicates that you have room for improvement the next time around.
The next time you have the urge to say, “I hate myself,” try to reframe the statement in your head so that it is more manageable and focuses on a specific aspect of your identity instead.
Have Some Compassion for Yourself
This might be the most challenging task on the list, but it’s also one of the most important ones. Self-love and self-compassion are two distinct concepts. Acknowledging your negative thoughts, missteps, and failures, and realizing that these are just messy human moments, is what it means to practice acceptance.
It indicates forgiving yourself in the same way that you would forgive a loved one for yelling at you in a moment of frustration and treating it as if it were nothing more than a passing annoyance. When you next find yourself falling deeper into a pit of self-hatred, try to be more forgiving of yourself and give yourself some slack. Recognize that you aren’t feeling great and reassure yourself that it’s alright to feel this way.
Thinking a lot about the things you’ve done in the past that you aren’t happy with? Remind yourself that no one is perfect and that everyone makes errors. You are not required to be defined by those actions. Self-compassion isn’t something that develops overnight, of course. However, research has shown that self-compassion is a skill that can be developed, just like other skills such as reframing or meditation.
Ask for Assistance
Always keep in mind that you are never traveling the path to better mental health alone. Everyone has, at some point or another, been exactly where you are, and the majority of people need a little assistance to make it through. It is recommended that you seek the assistance of a reliable mental health professional to put into practice the items on this list. It is not a sign of weakness to solicit assistance. Doing so is the most effective way to learn how to deal with feelings of self-hatred and negative internal dialogue.